Added: Ramel Gaitan - Date: 06.02.2022 08:50 - Views: 12773 - Clicks: 8869
In this passage she moves from her specific anecdote to speaking more generally. Mike is my playmate. He needs someone to play with every day. I am his help meet. That is, I am his helper, suited to his needs. I meet his need for conversation, companionship, and a playmate. Once again Debi makes clear the subordinate position of women. Women exist to fulfill men. Debi has never once talked about the ways a man might fulfill needs a woman has.
Not once. Because she believes women were created to fulfill men, and not vice versa. Our delight in each other did not happen because he is the perfect man. I never have a chip on my shoulder, no matter how offended I have a right to be — and I do have reasons to be offended regularly.
Every day, I remember to view myself as the woman God gave this man. This mind set helps me to be just that: a gift, a playmate, his helper. In other words, Debi says that she and Mike have the relationship they do because she lets him walk all over her. No matter what he does, she always just lets it roll off her back. Rather than trying to address things that annoy her, she ignores them.
Early in our marriage, we each made a commitment independently to please and forgive the other no matter how hurtful the actions or words that were spoken. Somewhere over the years, having goodwill and a merry heart to each other has become as natural as breathing. We have learned that all of life is fun and needs to be shared with our best friend, playmate, and lover. Pledging to always please and forgive your spouse no matter what is a terrible idea!
What if your spouse is abusive, either physically or emotionally? You just keep trying to please your spouse, and simply forgive your spouse no matter how bad it gets? What about healthy things like talking about problems, or working to change bad patterns, or going to marital counseling if you need it? I understand pledging to always do the best you can to work through tough times in your marriage together, but making an independent pledge to simply ignore problems and focus on pleasing your spouse — to the extent of ignoring your own self — sets you up for a lot of trouble.
She says that both she and Mike made the same pledge.
She speaks of them learning together to share life as best friends, playmates, and lovers. That part — being mutual friends, playmates, and lovers sharing life together — actually sounds like something I would say. And then, of course, Debi follows this up by once again likening her relationship with Mike to her relationship with God.
Because I have known such love and closeness with a man, subsequently my understanding of God and my appreciation for him are much deeper. A relationship based on law, rules, willful humility, and formality is death. I have learned to approach God just as I approach my husband with love, joy, and delight. Debi rejects the idea of basing a relationship on things like laws or rules, but she spends her entire book telling women that they need to submit to, obey, and serve their husbands.
Her characterization of her relationship with Mike as being full of love, joy, and delight erases the fact that her relationship is based on a hierarchy of man and helper, master and servant. What she is saying here is that she has found a way to have joy and delight in living a marriage relationship based on obedience and service, and that our relationship with God should be the same. Debi finishes this section by attempting to speak to women whose pasts and marriages are less than perfect:.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking. You think it is too late for you. You are struggling on your second or third marriage to an unbelieving porn addict, or are suffering through emotional scars from your godless youth. But what I want to point out here, briefly, is what these sentences reveal about how she categorizes people.
And now comes the part where I pull this all together. I would simply finish by explaining why I chose the title I did for this post. Understood against this, background, it becomes clear why she believes she must clean up after him and ignore the things he does that bother her.
She exists for him, not him for her. But I would ask, does this sort of wifely pattern actually prove helpful to a husband? Instead, they enable a husband to act like without having any consequences for doing so. Get newsletters and updates Close. Also, send me the Nonreligious Newsletter and special offers. Also, send me the Nonreligious Newsletter.
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When Your husband doesn’t want sex