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For many women, consistent orgasms are out of reach, which can leave both parties feeling underwhelming as lovers. More poignantly, he suggests that an emotional inability to reconcile all the different parts of ourselves can manifest through disease. He explains below. The answer to that question is probably not what you think. In order to explain, let me first tell you about my own history with a certain candidate and some of what I know about developmental challenges in the sexual realm. I was a young medical student when I first found the lump in my left testicle.
Medical students are known hypochondriacs, so my late brother, then a doctor himself, counseled me not to worry too much about it. But I just had this feeling. When I went to the doctor, he confirmed the worst: I had Stage 2 testicular cancer. They offered only one option: to have all the lymph nodes in my gut removed, along with the affected testicle, followed by extensive rounds of radiation and chemotherapy, accompanied by recurring prescriptions for anxiety and depression.
After much anxious consideration, I decided to go through with some of the suggested treatment, opting to have just my left testicle removed. I have obviously lived to tell the tale, but beyond that, the experience put me on a new path, one that taught me about myself, led me to confront past traumas, and helped me discover the kind of doctor I wanted to be.
A pivotal moment in that journey came during a psychiatry lecture my second year of medical school when I got up in front of the class to talk about what I was going through. There I was, studying to become a physician while experiencing what it was like to be a patient with a critical condition at the same time. My professor listened to my story and something about it struck a chord. After class, he approached me and recommended an article for me to read that he believed related to my case.
At the time, the name was unfamiliar to me, but today he is better known as Bernie, Democratic candidate for President of the United States. That article, published in the Vermont Freeman inmay have been several decades old at the time, but it offered a perspective on disease that was new to me. Wilhelm Reicha psychoanalyst who came to the U. Morton Herskowitz, author of Emotional Armoring. I came to understand that there was no separation between mind and body when it came to health and healing.
It meant looking at anything and everything that might impact someone as a whole. So, what does this have to do with orgasms? The link is not that simple or direct. What I am suggesting, however, is that our minds and our bodies are merely different parts of the same whole, and what affects one affects the other. I came to view my own cancer from this perspective after reading Reich and Herskowitz.
Based on everything I was learning, it suddenly seemed like no coincidence that years of sexual abuse, repressed emotions, and struggles with my masculinity created negative energy that manifested as cancer in my sexual organs. Anyone suffering from sexual dysfunction, for example, is likely to understand that the problem is a lot more than just a set of physical symptoms. Depending on the severity of the problem, it can lead to depression and feelings of isolation. Despite what many women and their partners may think, this is completely normal. For this to happen, the clitoris to vagina measurement, or C-V distance, should be no more than 2.
Any further separation will prevent the clitoris from receiving adequate stimulation during penetration. This, of course, is also normal. In her book, The Case of the Female Orgasm, Elisabeth Lloyd, professor of biology at Indiana University, gives her theory as to why there is such a difference between women and men when it comes to reaching orgasm from sexual encounters. According to Lloyd, the male orgasm is essential to continuing the human species so it is directly connected to ejaculation.
One might say that the consistent male orgasm has been highly selected by evolution. In much the same way, nipples are highly sensitive in women as opposed to men because they are also crucial to carrying on life on earth. There may be more than just good sexual health at stake. An issue in any part of your being can affect the whole. Many women discover that their inability to achieve orgasm is connected to some form of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse from their past. Sex may be seen as dangerous causing them to hold back.
Negative body image issues may also come into play, as well as religious and social taboos. These women often report experiencing the build-up of sexual tension and then hitting a wall. A physical disorder or illness can be an attempt by the subconscious to get our attention about a much deeper issue.
In these cases, Reichian therapy might be of service, as is a loving, patient partner. With courage and the right support, many women have overcome their past and achieved the joy of orgasm. Physical touch is very important for building momentum during sex, especially for women, but it has to be the right kind of touch. Most couples already touch, hug, and kiss during sex, but is intimacy involved? Is it loving? How long does it last? How a woman receives and perceives touch makes a great deal of difference in whether her body is primed for orgasm or not.
It is a powerful form of communication that resonates in every cell of the body. Another study found that the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was between 3 and 13 minutes, with the average being 7. Sadly, this amount of time s for the entire sexual encounter for some people, not just penetration. This means taking time and slowing things down, sometimes way down.
Letting go of goal-oriented sex where orgasm is the prize greatly reduces sexual expectations and stress and allows the body to progress at its own pace. The reward will be a deepening of your relationship and the opportunity to have experiences that are in many ways even more satisfying and longer lasting than a fleeting orgasm.
As the body approaches orgasm, it requires the perfect balance between relaxation and tension, but how can we be relaxed and tense at the same time? In this case, the body must be in a state of tension while the mind is relaxed or silent. Some research suggests that women, however, can have a bigger challenge keeping their mind in the moment. To minimize distractions, I usually recommend giving yourself enough time to have longer, more intimate sex.
Meditation can be helpful in learning to quiet the mind as is visualizing an abstract concept like white light. If religious or sexual taboos are a distraction, Reichian-based counseling can be helpful. Regularly introducing new positions, toys, and so on can be a good way to keep your mind in the moment and stop it from zoning out because sex has become routine. While the mind relaxes, the body needs to be tense.
For women, this means the buttocks, thighs, and pelvic floor musclesthe ones you use to stop the flow of urine. Consciously tensing these muscles during oral or manual masturbation and even penetration helps increase physical tension, brings additional blood to engorge the genitals, increases sensitivity, and assists the body in building to orgasm. A condition known as pelvic floor prolapse is a loosening of these muscles that support the pelvic organs, and can be caused by pregnancy, childbirth, straining from constipation, chronic coughing, or aging.
If you leak a few drops of urine when you sneeze, laugh, or cough, this might be an issue for you. Kegel exercises help tone the pelvic floor muscles and are easy to do. Simply tense the muscles you use to stop urine flow, hold the contraction for five seconds and then release for five seconds. Repeat for a set of ten. Try to get three sets in during the day. Remember, this is an internal exercise, so there should be no movement of the abdominals or any other visible muscles.
Drugs for depression, anxiety, regulating blood pressure, and sedatives all delay or impede orgasm by preventing the muscles around the vagina and clitoris from becoming adequately engorged with blood, which is necessary for sexual pleasure. Consult your physician about the possibility of reducing your prescription or taking a trial period off the medication to see how your body responds. Sometimes switching to a different medication can make a difference, as some drug companies are now promoting brands that they claim come with minimal or no sexual side effects.
A clitoris vacuum pump, which draws extra blood into the clitoris, used in conjunction with a medication change, can provide added support. ificant scarring from injuries or surgeries often blocks one or more of the energetic pathways in the body, called meridians. The result is a condition known as reverse polarity. In either case, it can create physical problems in the vicinity of the scar or in remote areas of the body.
For many women who used to have orgasms but can no longer achieve them, the culprit is often a scar from a C-section birth.
A procedure known as integrative neural therapy INT injects Procaine into the scar tissue. This generates a release of some of the rigidity and stagnate energy through the miasmatic process. Homeopathic agents are added to accelerate the release and reopen the pathway. are often immediate and dramatic. It sounds incredible, but many women have had sexual pleasure restored to their lives through INT, never suspecting that their C-section scar could have anything to do with the fact that they lost the ability to orgasm shortly after they had their babies.
INT has also been effective in alleviating dyspareunia painful intercourse after C-section birth. Interestingly, the Japanese use a vertical incision for C-sections to avoid disrupting the energy meridians of the body.
Testosterone is the hormone of desire, even in women, not estrogen. Although women only need a small amount of testosterone for sexual health, the slightest imbalance is enough to create a big problem, such as lack of libido or inability to orgasm, which is why it can be a good idea to get hormone levels checked by a physician if you are experiencing a problem.
Bio-identical testosterone is available in a of different applications, and testosterone-based creams are available that may be applied directly to the clitoris to heighten sensitivity. Whether it is a lack of sexual pleasure, or another physical problem, understanding the factors that may be contributing to the condition is essential.
In other words, consider using this as a way of creating a deeper level of intimacy. Let go of your expectations. Better yet, just let go, and let your body reveal what orgasm is for you. For more health and inspirational insights from Dr. Sadeghi, please visit Behiveofhealing. For daily messages of encouragement and humor, follow Dr.
Sadeghi on Twitter at Behiveofhealing. The Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada. June 4, Cleveland Clinic: Health Essentials. November 19, Psychology Today.
September 4, Older Adults. Guardiani, Jenay. By Dr. Sadeghi The answer to that question is probably not what you think. Abuse Issues Many women discover that their inability to achieve orgasm is connected to some form of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse from their past.
Lack of Intimacy Physical touch is very important for building momentum during sex, especially for women, but it has to be the right kind of touch. Imbalance Between Relaxation and Tension As the body approaches orgasm, it requires the perfect balance between relaxation and tension, but how can we be relaxed and tense at the same time?
Medications and Surgery Drugs for depression, anxiety, regulating blood pressure, and sedatives all delay or impede orgasm by preventing the muscles around the vagina and clitoris from becoming adequately engorged with blood, which is necessary for sexual pleasure. Hormonal Imbalance Testosterone is the hormone of desire, even in women, not estrogen.Any lady wanna cum
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